Life's been jumbled up and all sorts of crazy lately...partly because it's the fall, and a time of change - of looking ahead to the future, of tests and deadlines and things picking up steam. And partly because I'm having to figure out what to do with my life next. After May...
As I told a good friend over coffee the other day, I've always had a very clear trajectory in my life for as long as I can remember. I was the child and high school student who knew what she wanted to major in and what she wanted to pursue.
Even after coming back from Paris this summer, everything was clearly laid out. I would apply to graduate creative writing programs. I would spend the next few years writing and growing, and then (hopefully) publish books. (all the while continuing to build my blog empire, heh)
And now...I'm not so sure.
In fact, as I told him, I have absolutely no idea what my life will look like. Where I'll be. Whether it's Texas...the East Coast...the Midwest...back home...or even England.
I might be in grad school. I might be working in the publishing industry. I might be taking a year off. I might be traveling. I might be doing none of those and instead something else that I haven't even considered.
And that's terrifying. And exhilarating. Because I'm opening myself up to the possibility. Granted, today was a long, exhausting, test-filled day that left me in tears and wanting to be five again so I can curl under the covers while my mother makes all my decisions for me. The absolute last thing I wanted was to not know what my future is.
But today, tonight even, something my friend said to me in return is finally sinking in. He said:
"You know, there are a lot of different ways to love God. You can love Him in grad school, as a waiter, in a simple job - it's just crazy the amount of ways you can love God. Wherever you are."
Jess sent out a newsletter today about how it's really all about just loving God. That it's not about the success or doing well or even following all the steps you think you're supposed to.
At the end of the day, it's all just about loving God. And there's a million different ways of how that looks. A crazy amount of ways to love God.
If you're like me and currently evaluating your life - wondering what the next step is - maybe that will bring you the same peace it's bringing me.
There's no wrong way. Just a million different ways.