Fall arrived, bewitchingly late and lingered for a few weekends with a lovely smile only to be replaced by her sister Winter - cool, strong, and grey as the sea on a stormy day.
Cold winds are the herald of each day...and life is already shifting.
My mother asks me if there is excitement that my junior year is nearly halfway over - and I am silent with the answer 'no.' Autumn came and disappeared all too quickly, leaving me regretful and wistful for more time. But isn't that always what we want...more time?
Because harsh winds and bitingly cold nights mean spring will come soon, and that means goodbyes will come soon. Change has always been hard for me. I love the regular, the familiar, the never-ending. Give me excitement and variety and spontaneity, yes - but never take from me the things, the places + the people I love best.
But change shakes up your soul. Tragedy makes you stand tall. Loss makes you strong. Loneliness and goodbyes make you realize life goes on. As painful as certain moments can be.
You can't force time to stand still...just as you cannot force someone to love you.
This season has been one of bittersweetness...clearer than the last for I know myself well now. It's been deeper and richer as certain friendships strengthen and others fade and family is more precious than ever.
It's been a semester full of much goodness and struggles and friends. We've talked of life...of its inherent painfulness and its messy, raw beauty. Of love languages and our life purposes, of kissing and the difference between boys + girls, of families and upbringings, of people and hearts and how to best love others. There've been laughs and sharings of hearts over flickering candles, meals cooked and shared, late night deep talks, tears and even boughs of anger, much Disney quotes and dancing, and always always hugs.
I'm learning to love winter and stopping every day to enjoy the cold...to treasure the cups of coffee, the flickering candles, the cozy + warm sweaters, the grey skies, the hint of Christmas excitement, the expectant hush of Advent, and the cheer of December.