2014

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

                   

Another year come and gone.

I'm almost tempted to be wistful, to think 'where did the years go?' and yet I am not. It feels like shedding old skin, like weeding through the closet and finally finally giving away the top you've liked for so long but whose time has finally gone.

And there's no regret, just a quiet sitting back on heels and feeling at peace.

 It's time to let go. It's time to move on. It's time for some change.

2015 brims ahead of me - so full and fresh and endless with opportunities + possibilities. A fresh start. A new "do-over." An exciting mystery.

2014 was a year that brought no earth-shattering changes: I stayed in school, stayed on this continent, stayed single.

And yet, so much changed. 

My heart, my outlook, my soul, even my hair. I went from dark auburn to black to ombré. 

So here is to 2015...to even more hair changes, to more laughs and cups of chai lattes, to turning 22, to finishing junior year of college, of becoming more and more who I am. 

Happy New Year's, friends. Thanks for reading and sticking around. I'll see you next year.  

December Thoughts

Thursday, December 11, 2014


1. I have fully embraced my simplistic hipster-with-an-affinity-for-modern-sleekness style. I used to love wear more bright colors and head-to-toe coordinated outfits, but now (and for a while) I'm drawn to neutral tones, denim, ankle boots, leggings, and simple make-up. 

I call it being almost 22 - or wearing only what I really like. It feels good to rotate core items and mix-and-match. It's almost a little...dare I say it....like a capsule wardrobe. 

2. I have a nice little routine down when I'm not rushing thirty million different places...I come "home", drop my backpack, slip off my boots (it's usually boots I'm wearing these days) and slip on my moccasins, light my favorite Bath&Body Works candle (either Ski Lodge or Fireside), and put on Chet Baker. Jazz + candles make everything better.

3. I haven't blogged...really, anything lately. No Real Life Wednesdays, no Modest Mondays, no nothing. And it's been good. I never intended to really take a blogging sabbatical, but it felt good not to blog, not to worry about posts, not to feel the pressure of page views and whether someone commented, and if they weren't did that mean I needed to  revamp my blog?

For the first time in, ever, I stopped constantly checking my blog and just enjoyed reading others' blogs. I stayed constant on IG and Pinned as always, because, well, we all know it's my version of therapy. Mostly I lived and tried to be present in my daily life. It was good because the past two months contained challenges and tasks and emotions I never saw coming...my spirit + mind + body couldn't have handled anything extra. I'm grateful I listened to God's nudge to take a step back. I needed it.

Which is why it was so refreshing to check back this past week and see sweet comments from a few of you readers. I might not have hundreds of followers, but I'm happy just to have some special, kind souls who brighten my day with their words. Thank you, friends.

4. I've been eating a great deal of chicken and salad lately...and occasionally, pizza. Because I've somehow reached a place of peace with my body and so I know how much to feed it now and how much is too much. I'm on a chicken Ceasar salad kick though and am riding it for as long as I can. Meaning, it's what I eat every day. That and iced coffee/iced lattes/iced Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks.

5. I've felt more "me" in the past month than I ever have...it's what happens Junior year, I think. You've settled into your skin, into your core friend group, into who you want to be, into what you like and what you dislike. And I am okay with the person I am becoming. I am okay with the person I am.

I like her. She's come a long way...she's calmer, quieter, much more introverted, wears leggings + yoga pants, dyes her hair if she wants to, loves deeply, and knows that change - while painful - is always good.

She's falling in love with winter, and with December; with Advent and the promise of Christmas.

The promise of a new year. 

Lately

Wednesday, December 3, 2014



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Fall arrived, bewitchingly late and lingered for a few weekends with a lovely smile only to be replaced by her sister Winter - cool, strong, and grey as the sea on a stormy day.

Cold winds are the herald of each day...and life is already shifting. 

My mother asks me if there is excitement that my junior year is nearly halfway over - and I am silent with the answer 'no.' Autumn came and disappeared all too quickly, leaving me regretful and wistful for more time. But isn't that always what we want...more time? 

Because harsh winds and bitingly cold nights mean spring will come soon, and that means goodbyes will come soon. Change has always been hard for me. I love the regular, the familiar, the never-ending. Give me excitement and variety and spontaneity, yes - but never take from me the things, the places + the people I love best. 

But change shakes up your soul. Tragedy makes you stand tall. Loss makes you strong. Loneliness and goodbyes make you realize life goes on. As painful as certain moments can be. 

You can't force time to stand still...just as you cannot force someone to love you. 

This season has been one of bittersweetness...clearer than the last for I know myself well now. It's been deeper and richer as certain friendships strengthen and others fade and family is more precious than ever. 

It's been a semester full of much goodness and struggles and friends. We've talked of life...of its inherent painfulness and its messy, raw beauty. Of love languages and our life purposes, of kissing and the difference between boys + girls, of families and upbringings, of people and hearts and how to best love others. There've been laughs and sharings of hearts over flickering candles, meals cooked and shared, late night deep talks, tears and even boughs of anger, much Disney quotes and dancing, and always always hugs.
                 

                    

I'm learning to love winter and stopping every day to enjoy the cold...to treasure the cups of coffee, the flickering candles, the cozy + warm sweaters, the grey skies, the hint of Christmas excitement, the expectant hush of Advent, and the cheer of December.