Why Writers are Magic-Seekers

Thursday, February 27, 2014

  Writers tend to romanticize things.

We see the world a little differently, us crafters of words. We see stories where others see puddles, meaning where others see mundane, and beauty where others see ordinariness. 

When sun shines bright, wind blows strong, air is gentle, and breaths come naturally...that - that is a moment of magic. 

A magic that we yearn and itch and seek to capture. A bit of beauty, of truth, of deep and secret wonder made visible in dark type or ink against blank, beautiful white.

It's a wild urge that only a writer knows, a thrum of magic, a call that beckons. 

Some things are too beautiful, too deep, too strong, and too much of a wild joy to express aloud - sometimes, written words express what we cannot say, what we feel in the deepest part of ourselves, and what we do not even realize yet that we feel. 

To some, that is romanticizing. Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. But to me - and to all writers, I think - it is looking at the world exactly the way it is. 

People mistakenly believe magic is a thing of legends, found only in stories, in fairy tales and myths of old. But that is not so...

Magic is all around us, in every breath, in every day, weaving together hope and joy, love and laughter, beauty and wonder. Magic is in the world beneath our feel, in the wind that tangles hair and sweeps across mountains. 

It's the Good type of Magic - a magic from over the Sea, from a Lion. It's the magic that sung this world into existence, the magic that continues life, the magic that allows forgiveness and love. 

It's a magic that we will never fully know here in our world. A magic that we only snatch tastes and glimpse of out of the corner of our eye as we turn or pause for the slightest moment. A magic we will only truly see and live in in another world, one better and more beautiful that this one can ever be. 

A magic we will only find by going Further In and Higher Up. 

That is what writers do, I think. We're magic-seekers, and when we stumble upon some, we capture it the only way we can - though words. 

I'm not sure if that's romanticizing. All I know is I chase magic through stories - and I shan't ever stop. Rose-colored glasses or no.

Real Real Life Wednesdays

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Today's post title has 'real' in it twice for no other reason but that I feel like it. I also realize approximately 6,456 other bloggers use that title - specifically Jessica, who is fabulous and on whom I have a girl crush. If you aren't following her, do it now. Cupcakes, glitter, and real girl talk...what more can you ask for in a blog?

Anyways! Here's some random bits of my life - mostly because it's Wednesday and hump day, but also because things have been raw + thoughtful lately. But as life isn't always profound...

1. The weather has been ridiculously confused, per usual. But spring keeps peeking her head around the corner on the weekend and through pink blossoms! 

2. Good-looking, well-dressed men really do make my heart happy. 

3. I still have not updated my iPhone to IOS 7. I know, I know. I am the last person in the world ever to catch up with these things. I blame the legitimate excuse of not having enough data storage due to the 1, 203 pictures on my phone. 

4. I wake up every day and love photography even more, if that's even possible. There are not words to adequately describe my passion for it - all I know is that I never want to stop taking pictures. 
5. My style has become more simplistic and hipster/bohemian recently. I can't remember the last time I wore heels on a weekday or a vintage outfit. Who am I?? I live in flats and wear a scarf basically every day. And let's not start on my beanie collection. 

6. I am that undergrad who hangs with/thinks grad students are cool. My former English-major heart loves the English graduate students that I've "collected" as friends. They are some of the coolest people. Period. They dress classy and quirky, rock awesome glasses, and have the maturity of adults while retaining the lighthearted-ness of undergrads. 

7. I have been suffering from wanderlust like nobody's business and am itching to jump on a plane to Europe. London + Paris...one day, one day. I want to see it all.

8. On the subject of girl crushes, I have some major ones on Hannah Nicole (a dream of mine is to shoot with her one day), Carrie from WishWishWish, Jess as mentioned above, one of my classmates Abigail - I love her Pinterest style and her style IRL, and of course, Jennifer Lawrence. 

9. Dark, smoky eyeliner is my go-to each day even if I'm wearing glasses. Swipe of black eye pencil on top + bottom, apply mascara and good to go.

10. Let's talk about spring break. I am ridiculously excited and have some plans in the work (travel!!). Where are you going?

11. Wedding cake-flavored iced lattes are my beverage of choice. Also known as the 'Ring by Spring.' Can't. Stop.

What are you loving right now? Any favorite drinks, travel plans, new fashion trends you're loving?

Growing Pains

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Things have been abnormally quiet around here, for which I am sorry. I've hammered out a few posts, but these past few weeks have been strange, leaving me with so many words and feelings on the inside and unsure of how to share them.

I love blogging. I love this place. I love sharing my heart with you readers. I love the community of blogging.

But sometimes things are too deep and unknown and strange to put into words - especially if you don't understand yourself what those things are. I can't describe except to say that it's felt like winter, like tangles of brush that I'm searching through, looking for me, looking for something but I'm not sure what it is and it's calling to me, and I don't know what it is. 

For lack of a better word...I think it's growth. Growing pains of the soul, of my heart, of me. I didn't think such a thing existed. I knew I would change along the way, that I'd slowly grow up and mature and then realize one day that I'm a different person. 

But I never imagined I'd feel it. Because how can you lose yourself - how can you not yourself any more? It just happens and one day you wake up realizing that somewhere along the way you fell out with yourself and it's an awkward dance between two people who used to know each other perfectly and now there's pauses, misunderstood looks, and confusion.

It's being here, present, but feeling like the you on the inside is gone, that you can't find her right now...and that fact is so unsettling and startling, it completely rattles you and leaves you shaken and confused.

Where's me? 

It's craziness, these growing pains. It's loneliness and winter blues, and PMS-ing and quietness and confusion and a strange melancholiness all at once. And it's disorienting because life is rushing by and your to-do list is long each day, and the one constant you can rely on is yourself. 

But you're different now.

And you're not sure how. Or why. Or when it happened. 

But things have been shifting these last few weeks. Expanding. Changing. Stirring. 

It's a strange whirlwind, like a leaf tumbling in the wind, turning and spinning from one place to another, never sure when things will calm or when it will finally land...

But I think I finally am landing. I'm drifting slower now - the wind is less tumultuous and I can finally see the trees around me and feel the warmth of sunlight. It's coming through the tops of the trees more clearly now. Sun. Warmth. Light. Life. 

I've worn less skirts...more simple jeans + long flowing dresses.  
Less high heels...more flats. 
Less full-on, dramatic makeup...more just dark eyeliner or a natural face. 
Less wearing color...more blacks, dark blues + greens and neutrals.
Less rushing...more soaking up the sunlight + precious stolen moments of peace amidst chaos. 
Less technology...more sitting in quiet + letting God move me.
Less chatter...more thoughtfulness and quiet smiles.
Less fried food...more grilled chicken + broccoli. 
Less running, running everywhere...more withdrawing and being still.
Less wanting things...more treasuring hugs.
Less trying to be impressive...more just being: glasses, hair in braids, no makeup, simple outfit, scarf. No apologies. No insecurity. 

I don't think I've necessarily "let myself go" or anything like that. I just think this is a season of being quiet, of slowing down, and as such it's reflecting in how I dress, in how I spend my rare few free moments, etc. 

It's like getting to know myself again...except it's a different me. I love how Hannah described it: meeting her self for coffee, the her that is confident and can see ahead the bend in the road. 

And that's how it is...the new me is a little quieter, a little more knowing with her smile, across the table from me. I trace the edge of my coffee cup, frowning with soft frustration and uncertainty.

She sits opposite me, thin rings on her hands, in a sweater and scarf, with much darker hair and a strange sense of comfort and ease in her own skin. "It gets better," she says with a laugh. "You don't change completely."

"But I don't understand this part of the story - I don't understand why I don't feel like me," I say stubbornly.

She raises her eyebrows into her dark bangs, dark brown eyes crinkling in the corner like they always do when I'm amused. "Stories have to unfold," she points out. "Which generally involves change...even if it's not the kind you expected." 

"But nothing's happened," I emphasize. "No one in my life's died, I'm not dating someone, I haven't studied abroad or had anything life-changing happen to me."

She laughs at me openly now. "Who said something has to happen? You're just growing into yourself. Sometimes knowledge changes us more powerfully than any experience. That's what growing pains are, after all."


Saturday, February 15, 2014

My birthday was on the 8th...and it's strange and yet not strange to be 21.

I feel the same as I did the night before, when I was still 20. And yet...I was already different.

Something changed in me at the start of the year.

I felt lost, confused, struggling through winter.

I wanted to be anything I'm not.

But slowly, I've slipped into a new me. In some ways it feels familiar and comforting like the old me and now there's parts that are new, that have changed and shifted.

But tonight, I am content. I am me. And me is...chai lattes, yoga pants + long sweaters, blunt long bangs, wearing dark colors, seeking sunlight. Not wanting a fuss to be made over me. Being drawn to dark, moody photos and the elusive emptiness of expansive plains + tall smoky mountains. Thin gold rings, scarves and scarves knotted, an increasing introvertedness that loves quiet.

It's me.


Monday, February 3, 2014

---written last week

I'm not sure why I keep writing about the sun.

I've been drawn to it lately - the sunshine.

It is so odd it brings a smile to my face when I pause to think of it. I've always been a rainy day child, loving the cool, wet feel of grey skies and damp grass...two things that make me think of England and Ireland, of tea and books, and of coziness and contentment.

But lately, something has been different. I still love the pale, overcast skies on days of rain...but now, every single day finds me turning to the sun hungrily.

 Chasing the sunlight. Seeking its rich, gentle warmth and steady, benevolent rays.

And I'm not sure why. Every day since the semester began, I've sought out the sun, feeling a slight pang of sorrow each time it sets and the sky grows cool and dark as the light + warmth slips away.

I crave the warmth of sunlight now as much as I crave solitude for my spirit to settle and my soul to breath.

And I think it is because there are many things stirring and moving in me - new thoughts, new emotions, new plans, new words. A new me. 

It is the third week of this semester - the last week of the first month of the new year. And already I am changing. Already, I have changed. 

I think I am turning to the sun, reaching my head to its life-giving rays because this is indeed winter. In more ways than one...parts of me are being pulled and uprooted to make room for growth that will come in the future, when fresh life comes in the wake of spring. 

I feel somewhat like brush or seeds buried deep beneath layers of leaves and dirt in the cold air...and always, I am trying to look up to the sun for warmth. For life.

I love metaphors because they are so true - as I've learned these past few weeks. This is indeed a season of quiet and calm, and digging deep, and breathing in new life. Of allowing a Gardener's hand to pull and clear out weeds, plant new seeds, and cover them in quiet, soft dirt to wait. To wait through the chill and pensiveness of winter, of its harsh but necessary nature. 

And then...spring will come. Lovely, rich, overwhelming, new - and full of life + hope as only spring can be. 

Until then, I will wait, content in winter. Chasing the sun.