Sometimes... (When It's Okay to Say No)
Sometimes you have to say 'Okay.'
As in, 'okay, this is too much on my plate. Time to put some back.'
And be okay with it.
Sometimes plans and big goals are just that - ideas that you want to bring to reality. But sometimes, it's okay to put them on the shelf for the moment or just realize that right now's not the best time.
It doesn't mean you failed, or that you couldn't handle it. It doesn't make you less of a person, or inadequate, or one of those people who can barely keep it together.
It means you did the mature thing - that you gave it consideration and recognized that it's not going to fit in with your schedule/other commitments/life at the time.
I planned to run a half marathon at the end of next month: "The Toughest Half in Texas." I was looking forward to telling people I'd done it, that I'd managed along with a heavy work and school load. It sounds quite impressive. I was looking forward to being proud of myself for running (with some walking breaks) 13.1 miles and realizing that I - me, myself - had actually done that. Someone who doesn't consider herself a professional runner.
But here we are in February...and I haven't done a proper run since mid-January. I haven't even made it over 5 miles. I'm not foolish...I realize at this point, I'd have to do some serious mileage and almost daily training to get ready for 13.1 miles of almost all hills. If my situation was different, it might be possible. But with my classes, working 10 hours a week, teaching Zumba twice a week, trying to keep up with the blog, as well as sleep in there....
It's not realistic.
I knew that a few weeks ago, but I told myself I might be able to make it work. But after yesterday, which I spent studying for today's test of the semester, I knew for sure that I needed to let go of that. I have a bad habit of taking on too much. I think I can do it all. Slowly, but surely, I say yes to little things and big things that add up over time. I end up stretched beyond my means...as Bilbo says, "Like butter, scraped over too much bread."
It's not healthy, it's not good, and it's not exactly peaceful. So if saying no to some things means I can give the rest of my commitments my all, I'm okay with that.
I'm at peace with that. If there's one thing I've learned in my 20 years so far, it's that
I. Rush. Too. Much.
I take on too much.
And when I do that...when I'm so busy running from place to place...I lose myself.
I lose my sense of peace, of recognizing what it feels like to actually be in the moment. We shouldn't wake up hating our lives. Or wanting to cry before the day's even began.
Life's hard. I'm not denying that. But we don't have to make it harder than it might be.
Sometimes that means saying no. Even when we don't want to.
And that's okay.